i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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