i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
