Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
