well I can't set my house on fire every night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
