people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize