Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
