I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
