how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
