i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
