If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
