You just made me feel so damn special
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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