she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize