Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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