walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
