i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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