i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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