She's JV to your varsity
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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