Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
