Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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