uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
