This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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