My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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