I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
