just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
