Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize