Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
