he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
