That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
