So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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