On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
