tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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