Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
