i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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