Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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