the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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