i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
