He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
