By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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