Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im drinking this country out of the recession.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
