the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
