Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize