My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize