2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
