Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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