maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
