Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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