I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
