YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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