I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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