whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's the barista slut.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
