Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize