goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
