I wanna bring you to show and tell
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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