i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
