I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
