You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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