He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
