why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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