Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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