Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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