yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
