I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
