Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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