Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
