Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
