at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
