I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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