I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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