Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
