i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
