your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
