No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
