Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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