My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
