worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
