I'm going to jail i love you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
